Notes From A Sparrow

Sharing

2011-06-13T13:42:00.000-07:00

I'm doing a theme song each day this week. Yesterday was the one I posted below. Today's is:

I launched my etsy store over the weekend. I'm really excited about it! I also added a "Shop Me..." section in the right column at the bottom. I'll be tweeting as I work (as opposed to whistling) if you are interested in that.. You can find me at BornBeloved.

I have many other things to share, but am wrangling a preschooler and eight month old on very little sleep so it will have to come another day. Today's goals are:

Shower
Laundry
Try to resist feeding the preschooler McD's for dinner tonight

In Brief

2011-06-02T22:44:00.000-07:00

Life is exhausting, but good. My girls are willful, but sweet and loving. My husband is busy, but helpful. Our anniversary was odd, but wonderful. I'm growing closer to some dear friends, and it is refreshing. I'm loving making and selling my jewelry.

Beautiful

2011-06-01T05:47:00.000-07:00

This brought me to tears. I loved it and wanted to share. It also reminded me to pray that God will help me to support my girls in their passions and talents.

Night Night

2011-05-18T00:51:00.000-07:00

I'm off to bed, but just wanted to say how excited I am about the support I've gotten on my jewelry adventure! It's been so wonderful to see others enjoying what I've put together! I'm trying some new things and loving it. Other than that I'm busy with my little ones. Keeping them amused on these rainy days is getting difficult. All the more reason I need my energy! To bed! I'm working on trying to get to bed earlier. I guess it didn't go too well tonight. Thankfully, there's always tomorrow!

Fun From FB

2011-05-13T11:25:00.001-07:00

My Life According to Otis Redding

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to 15 people you like and include me. You can't use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think! Re-post as "my life according to (band name)"

Pick Your Artist:
Otis Redding

Are you male or female:
Look At That Girl

Describe yourself:
A Woman, A Lover, A Friend

How do you feel about yourself:
Little Ol' Me, Got To Get Myself Together

Describe where you currently live:
Good To Me

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
(Sittin' On) the Dock of the Bay

Your best friend is:
My Girl

You and your friends are:
Ton Of Joy

What's the weather like:
Wonderful World

Favorite time of day:
A Hard Day's Night

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
That's How Strong My Love Is

What is beauty to you:
Lord Have Mercy

Your last relationship:
I've Been Loving You Too Long

Your fear:
Give Away None Of My Love

What is the best advice you have to give:
Tell The Truth, Try A Little Tenderness, Respect

Thought for the Day:
Change Is Gonna Come

How you would like to die:
Let Me Come On Home

Excitement & My First Giveaway

2011-05-09T21:35:00.000-07:00

I created a facebook page for my jewelry sales! It's called Beloved Garden. Here's a link:

I'm nervous and excited. I'm wondering if I have enough stock or too much. It's a wonderful adventure and a way to do something that's my own. It's also a chance to be able to contribute to my family financially. In honor of my grand opening I'm doing a giveaway! I'll be giving away 1 Alice ring on May 17th.

To enter:

post a comment below (on my blog, not the facebook note that this post generates)

You can get additional entries by:

liking Beloved Garden's facebook page (1 entry)
"sharing" Beloved Garden's facebook page (1 entry)
posting about this giveaway on your blog, facebook, or twitter with a link (1 entry each)

To collect these entries just post one comment for each. The winner will be chosen at random next Tuesday evening. Good luck everyone!

Today

2011-05-08T15:07:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's Day!
That is to all of you who are mothers and all of you who long to be. Today can be a wonderful day or a very hard one (for many reasons - hopes unrealized, miscarriages, abortions, rough relationships with your own mom or having lost her). I wanted to recognize that today is not like any other day. May it be a wonderful and healing day for YOU.

A New Venture

2011-04-22T01:23:00.000-07:00

I've decided to start selling the jewelry I've been making. I should be posting on FB & probably here as well within the next week. I'm excited, but nervous. It will be the rings & bobby pins I posted. I'm also going to be selling some necklaces like this one.

I've decided not to make or sell anything that costs over $10. I want it to be things I'd be able to afford and would want to wear. I'm really enjoying making it! I'm going to give each of the pieces a name that fits it. Anyone have fun suggestions? It is all pretty retro so I'm thinking older names. The ring from the last post is "The Alice" in honor of my friend Theresa whom I made it for. I name everything so I think this part of it will be fun too. I might even do a giveaway on my blog so keep an eye out for that!

Deep Breaths

2011-04-20T13:04:00.000-07:00

I love the way my baby smells. I'm convinced that God made her smell that way for a reason. Because sometimes when things are crazy I snuggle her and just breathing in her smell convinces me that everything will be all right.

Whine, Wimper, Rejoice

2011-04-20T11:54:00.000-07:00

My children randomly woke up last night...a lot. I'm exhausted and cranky.
The laundry is staring at me. My laundromat is being evicted.
For some unknown reason my children now will not nap. One starts to, only to be woken up by the other. Then they trade roles.

I want a nap or giant coffee or my parents to live closer and play with my children for several hours. None of these things are happening right now.

In the silly little rough stuff of day to day motherhood - He is still risen.

Easter

2011-04-20T00:45:00.000-07:00

It's been a busy few days. The weekend was packed with wonderful birthday parties for precious little girls. The week so far has been a beautiful blur of visits from my family. It's quiet in my house now. Things are slowing down a bit before the holiday weekend. It's giving me time to think. Easter is coming. It's my favorite holiday. Everything in my life hinges on this Sunday, on these words,

"He is not here; He has risen, just as He said..."

-Matt 28:6

That changes everything. All of history, eternity, and I will never be the same. Breathtaking! I'm astounded by the miracle and the simplicity of God's unending grace. I can't forget though that Good Friday is also coming. I can't forget what had to come first. The sacrifice that was required so that grace could be extended, so that I could be forgiven. It's heartbreaking and humbling - the depth of His love for me...and for you.

Happy Easter!

He is Risen!

For Today

2011-04-15T11:13:00.000-07:00

I read this this morning and it spoke to me, because it is so very true.

"It's a good life, Honey, if you don't grow weary."

-Alexa Woodward

It reminded me of this:

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

- Gal. 6:9

8 Minute Face

2011-04-09T22:34:00.000-07:00

Here is today's make up. I had a few extra minutes so I was ale to include a touch of eyeliner. This is just a quick picture taken with my phone so you can't tell too much, but I thought I'd update anyway.

Updates, Creations, & Searches

2011-04-09T15:06:00.000-07:00

What am I up to these days? Lots! Here's a quick run down.

I'm nurturing my 6 month & 3 year old daughters, working on being a more loving wife, and seeking God. I feel like I'm doing better in these areas than I have been in a long time.
I'm considering working out. For some of you this may be a no brainer, but for me it's not. I hate working out. I've never been a sporty girl. When I was younger I loved no work out exercise like walking places, skateboarding, etc. Lately I've been much too inactive and I don't like it. I don't like the way I feel or the way it looks on me. I know myself well enough to know I need to find something I'll enjoy or I'll never stick with it. I enjoy out Wii Fit+, but it's broken right now. Any suggestions?
I'm crafting for the first time in a while. I had been knitting a lot, but have put that on hold for now. I recently began creating jewelry. I'm loving it! It's fun, easy, and the pieces make fantastic accessories. Here's a pic:

I'm researching tattoo artists in the bay area and planning to get my tattoo for my birthday in August. If you have a suggestion let me know. I need someone who is good with lettering and, of course, works in a clean, safe shop.
I've been feeling inspired to start sewing again. I'd like to start making things for my girls. I'm basically a beginning sewer. I took sewing in jr. high and made several things. In high school I made one of my halloween costumes by following a pattern. I hadn't used a machine in ages until two years ago when Kacey helped me make a quilt for my mom. Now I want to get a sewing machine. Anyone have suggestions for a good machine for beginners? I'm not even sure how to start comparing them or what to look for. Here's a pic of me holding up the quilt I mentioned:

I've fallen into the busy day to day and haven't been spending time on myself. I want to remedy this for myself, but also for my family. I want to look nice for my husband. I want to set an example for my girls. I'm teaching them that inner beauty comes from loving the Lord. It shines through love and kindness that glorifies God. It comes from your character and it is the most important kind of beauty. I'm also teaching them that caring for yourself and your appearance is important too. The fact that it is less important doesn't mean it is unimportant. The best way I can teach them these things is by my example. To do that I need something easy so I'm working on a "five minute face" by trying new make-up tips and products. I'll let you know what I find. Please share if you have favorites I should check out.

Life Is Good

2011-03-28T00:44:00.000-07:00

Dear Sleep, I miss you.

2011-03-25T13:08:00.000-07:00

Last night's sleep schedule:

2AM - finally fell asleep
2:30 - woken up by Sweet Sickie Face who wanted to climb in my bed, told no, and sent back to bed, she accidentally woke up Beautiful Baby Eat Non-stop.
2:45 - falling back to sleep
3:10 - Beautiful Baby Eat Non-stop decided she should have been eating instead of sleeping
4:45 - I was finally able to get Beautiful Baby Eat Non-stop fed and to fall back to sleep
6AM? - Beautiful Baby Eat Non-stop lost her paci and woke up crying Wonderful Man I Married remedied the situation
7AM? (I'm not sure the time because the delirium had set in) - woken up by Sweet Sickie Face who again wanted to climb in my bed This time she was told yes (the family rule is she has to wait until the sun shines through the curtains) and she was sent over to Wonderful Man I Married
7:05 - 8:00 faded in and out of sleep between questions, pokes, and demands from Sweet Sickie Face until Wonderful Man I Married got the two of them breakfast
8:35 Beautiful Baby Eat Non-stop woke up and was quite alarmed it had been so long since her last meal

~The End or, More Appropriately, The Beginning of the Day~

In a mostly unrelated matter, I was reading Cara-Deo today and was blessed by the quote, "It says desperation is better than despair. And where God's power begins." I wanted to share it in case you might find it encouraging as well.

Now this sleepy and very silly mommy must go feed that beautiful baby again.

Smiles on a Sick Day

2011-03-24T20:03:00.000-07:00

My oldest is sick. She has the cutest little froggie voice right now. Rainy inside days with a sick toddler and a baby in the midst of a growth spurt are not known to be full of smiles, but today I was thankful for the little things. That made quite a difference. The other, even bigger thing was getting some time with God. Here are some of the things that made me smile today:

Coffee from my sweet husband

A no real reason phone call from my mom

Reading this awesome book to my sickie face

My beautiful girls (matching outfits c/o Nana)

This super fun dress by Jelly the Pug I ordered for A

Even better? Getting it from modnique for $13 instead of $36

Can't wait to see her in it!

Texting, FBing, & E-mailing with Janette,

my best friend since we were 12

Sharing music I love with my littles

This "album cover" photo of Boo

Notice the drum around her neck while playing harmonica

This post & just how much God loves ME

This hat

One of my babies might need one

I wonder if I could make it

and this song...

I hope your day was full of smiles too!

Many Thanks

2011-03-21T15:16:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to say thank you to all those who have out poured support, love, and prayers since my Trouble post. I'm doing much better. The mastitis seems to have passed and I'm only having twinges of pain here & there now. We have been able to feed L without supplementing with formula for the last week thanks to Peter letting me nap & rest as I've needed to & using fenugreek. Being rested & built up by God has made me feel more confident both in general & as a mom. My girls have also helped. My youngest gives me giant smiles every time she wakes up and sees me. My oldest is growing in new ways all the time. Last night she was trying on swim suits for her new lessons starting today and all of a sudden she went leaping through the air and yelled, "I'm a rock star!" It was both a precious thing & a challenge for me. It was precious to see her so carefree and confident. It was a challenge because I feel nothing like a rock star when I put on a swim suit. It made me wonder when we women lose that confidence and challenged me to reclaim it. Being the mom of a three year old girl is amazing that way. It is growing me as a woman as well as a mom. We, of course, have battles of the wills, but part of that is her developing into her own person. I remind myself regularly that her willfulness not only gives me opportunities to learn patience, but also is growing her into a more confident little girl. I want her to be able to make up her own mind and not be a follower. It's just very hard when I need her to obey as well. Teaching her to respect us as her parents and do as she is told, but still have a mind of her own is not an easy task. I'd totally welcome any advice on the balance others might have to offer. Another thing I've found encouraging as of late has been the blogs of other believers and moms. Here are a few I've been really enjoying:

Sometimes Sweet (she is also a fashion inspiration to me as I'm working on the project of finding my style again)
Steph in the Suburbs
Mommy Needs Coffee (me too)
Gathered from Afar
Cara - Deo
Trouble Bound : A Better Life (an awesome blog & reminder of God's incredible faithfulness)
Storing Up Treasures
The Leaky Boob

The music of Kendall Payne has been encouraging as well.

I must draw this to a close. It's time for the "Rock Star" to go to her first swim lesson without mom or dad by her side in the pool!

"Ooooh, Corey, Accessories!"

2011-03-21T00:42:00.000-07:00

**For those interested the dresses from the last post are from Mod Cloth, Old Navy, Park Place Vintage, Pin Up Girl Clothing, Victoria's Secret, Steady Clothing, & Ruche.

I plan on continuing this style series for a while, but it will be on and off for the most part. This time, however, I'm doing two in a row. From now on I'll include links in case anyone likes the items as much as I do. Now for accessories....

True Love Cardigan

Cherub Docs

Necklace with my girls' names

Leather Cuff

Cascade Earrings

I want to share something else I've discovered. I celebrated the marriage of two dear friends this weekend.

Congrats, LB and Bobby!

At their reception I had the most amazing cupcake! It was a mocha cupcake from Just Baked by Julie. If you're in the bay area I encourage you to try them! Amazing!!

Reclaiming My Style

2011-03-19T00:37:00.000-07:00

I'm starting on a quest to reclaim my style. I've been spending far to much time in yoga pants and hoodies or jeans with nursing tops. I do have a sense of style...somewhere hidden under this old PT sweatshirt Kerr handed down to me. While my old Walter Payton jersey tee will always be part of my style it needs to be expanded upon. To do this I'm window shopping. I've started with dresses because I love them, but rarely wear them.

While Doing Mom Things

2011-03-16T01:41:00.000-07:00

Ever the multitasker, I am...

Listening to:

Researching Fonts for my Tattoo:

-Frivolous-

-Old Script-

-Platthand-

-Porcelain-

Thoughts? Also, if you have fun handwriting feel free to write down "Always Love" and send it to me. I'm sort of leaning towards one of the lower two.

Playing to Win

Searching to Win (and saving up for Starbucks)

Beautiful Reminders

2011-03-15T23:32:00.000-07:00

By The Dreamy Giraffe

By Jodi

Pretty Sure

2011-03-13T00:36:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty sure this is my lovin' man & I:

It's called Clink by Genevieve Santos

You can find it and lots of other fantastic art at her etsy store, lepetitelefant.

More Mom Encouragement

2011-03-12T15:42:00.000-08:00

Here is some more encouragement I keep on my fridge...

You can't read the one above my mom & I very well but it is a quote from Brooke Shields. It says, "They're not going to remember Mom was tired. They're going to remember I did the weather chart or story time at school. So you just do it. And you're tired." Off to the right there is a heart shape post it that reminds me:

"So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up."

Galatians 6:9

Trouble

2011-03-12T13:37:00.000-08:00

I'm going through a hard season. In it I've found I'm not as open as I used to be. I've fallen into exactly what I've always hated...pretending everything is fine. I'm fighting that and opening up to friends and family. I decided the next step was to open up here. This is, in part, a blog about motherhood because, in part, I am a mother. I love being a mother of two. There are, of course, moments I'm not so sure I'm qualified for this "hardest job you'll ever love," but I find that loving them so much makes me qualified. Beyond that love I fumble through with plenty of prayer and my best. My biggest struggle this time around has been with nursing. With my first there were some general struggles, but all in all it was wonderful. I even ended up nursing her a few months longer than the year I had originally intended. With my new little it has been something entirely different. It started out well, but then in the last two months or so we've been facing some serious challenges. I'm very committed to nursing. I want to continue until she is a year old not only because of the amazing bonding experience it can be, but because it makes such a difference for her health and future. I know many people don't have the option to nurse and would never judge, but for me it has been a non-negotiable. If you don't want to know too much (or know I'd be embarrassed by your knowing) this is the time to wave off (I'll bold later if you want to just skip ahead). Enter what the doctor calls "suction and latch issues" (she's latching, but not properly and is a bit too strong). That led to bleeding, horrible pain, and then to the dreaded mastitis. I've been very tempted to give up, but I'm not going to. If I was strong enough to unintentionally birth her without medication I can get through this for her. (Skip to here) I just want to be able to be a good mom and wife at the same time. I feel like that is there area where I'm achieving an epic fail at times. I'm less patient when in pain. Couple this with my toddler who skipped the terrible twos almost entirely, only to invent the Amazing but Willful Threes and you get a very cranky mommy. I praise God for providing me the fruit of the Spirit (chiefly patience and self control) in moments when I don't have them (or anything else) left in me. Thankfully my family is patient with me. I finally decided to mention what I've been going through here because I found so much comfort in the blogs I found online where moms shared their own struggles. So to Sarah (from Becoming Sarah) & Jessica (from The Leaky B@@b, link below), thank you so much for your authenticity and transparency. I'm not going into much detail here, but if there are others facing these things please feel free to contact me and I will share my experiences or just offer support. For now here are some things that are helping me out today:

My beauties

This blog entry (there are nursing photos & I know some people don't like that so be warned)

My hubbie

by PaperArtOriginals

but most of all,

"I can do all this through Him who gives me strength."

Philippians 4:13

True

2011-02-25T01:03:00.000-08:00

Best Thing I've Done All Day

2011-02-18T12:32:00.000-08:00

My daughter ran into the living room yelling, "Mommy, Mommy, I can't find the baby! They can't fly away from the big bad wolf without the baby!" The crisis has been averted. I found the baby! Now Sharkie, the baby, and a pink monkey have flown away in various shoes to "America" and escaped the big, bad wolf. I am amazing!

Tattooed Lady

2011-01-20T22:40:00.000-08:00

I'm contemplating another tattoo. I'm not ready for the one I'd love to get on my back someday, but I've been mulling over another one since shortly after my older daughter was born. It would be a simple tattoo in a script style font that somehow references my desire to love. If you read my blog you may remember I wrote about it here, here, & here (BTW - I'm still looking for all I mentioned in that one). On Memorial Day three years ago some friends and my family went to a graveyard to pay our respects. While we were there I came across a headstone with the simple inscription, "She always loved." It was profound to me. It summed up all that God has called me to.

"Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’"

---Matt. 22:37-39

It is what I strive for and seek God's strength for. It is who I want to be. Because of all this it would be hugely meaningful to me. The big challenge is that I'm struggling with the wording for it. I don't know if I should use the wording from the headstone, shorten it to "always love," or go with something else entirely. Ideas? Input?

Comfort

2011-01-20T22:18:00.000-08:00

What brings you comfort? Not on a grand scale like the beautiful, all encompassing comfort we find in the reassurance God is there and cares deeply about all you are facing, but on a small scale. I mean the little comforts that make such a difference. For me it's watching my 3 month old blow bubbles or hearing my three year old tell me she loves me. It's hearing, "Touch of Grey" by The Grateful Dead or the way my ancient Dr. Marten's cradle my feet (Peter is convinced they are beat up beyond wearing in public, but I'm not so sure). It's laughing with friends who have known me long enough to have seen me at my worst and knowing they still love me. It's remembering I'm a mom, but knowing that part of me is merging with all the other dynamics of who I am, not becoming my single defining role. It's walking in the rain. All of these things are filled with the beautiful promise of God's grace and a new day. They are reminders of the joy we can find in such a broken place.

Hard Week

2010-11-05T23:34:00.000-07:00

Little Known Fact:

I listen to Matchbox 20 when I'm having a hard time. Mostly "Unwell" and "Push," but the rest of Yourself or Someone Like You often comes into play as well.

Repeating Over & Over

2010-09-17T14:47:00.000-07:00

"I will not be pregnant forever. I will not be pregnant forever. I will not be pregnant forever...it just feels that way."

Today's Lesson

2010-09-07T15:55:00.000-07:00

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

---Gal 6:9

Today I'm weary, but still doing good.

Sad

2010-09-05T01:37:00.000-07:00

What I don't want my daughters to learn...

Every Day

2010-08-01T09:42:00.000-07:00

"Praise the Lord; praise God our savior! For each day He carries us in His arms."

---Ps 68:19

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

2010-07-29T01:34:00.000-07:00

Incredible!!

Being a Mom Means...

2010-07-27T09:11:00.000-07:00

....that when your bed is invaded an hour before you wanted to get up you find yourself with a tiny knee in your back, kicks in your tummy, & a huge grin on your face.

Unexpected Truth

2010-07-03T21:35:00.000-07:00

My daughter brought me to tears today. We were sitting eating lunch and discussing going over to a friend's mom's house later in the day. It was a normal conversation, but her simple and sweet statement left me needing to "get something from the kitchen" before she saw that I was about to lose it.

You see, the friend we were discussing lost her dad when she was sixteen. A parent's death is always a horrible tragedy, but she lost him in one of the worst ways you can lose a loved one. Knowing this and the pain it has brought my friend I was left scrambling when my two year old innocently asked, "Where her daddy?" I recovered quickly and told her, "He's gone, Baby. He went away." She thought about this a moment before replying, "He's probably at work." In her world anytime a daddy isn't around he is at work (now and then he is playing golf, but only rarely). She then went on to say, "She misses him...sometimes she cries for him." Knowing how true those words were broke my heart. Knowing my little one hasn't had to begin to understand that sometimes daddies go away and don't come back is bittersweet. I'm incredibly thankful she doesn't know it and yet I know the day will come when she has to learn that heart wrenching truth, even if it isn't first hand. Her words crushed me anew for my friend's loss as well. I know she has grieved and grown immeasurably from the girl who first lost the most important man in her life, but I don't think anyone finishes grieving a parent's death. It is a continual loss. I heard that in the little voice of my toddler today as she spoke those words, "She misses him...sometimes she cries for him."

Today's Pregnancy Cravings, A List

2010-05-30T18:19:00.000-07:00

Vietnamese Spring Rolls
Cilantro
French Toast
Chocolate Mousse
Thai Noodles With Peanut Sauce
Vanilla Latte
Bratwurst

I haven't given into any of these cravings yet, but I'm not promising anything.

It's Been A Long Time Coming

2010-04-18T10:20:00.000-07:00

I've been remiss. I'm sorry to those of you who follow this blog. Most of you already know why. I've been incredibly busy chasing my precious toddler, going back to work one day a week to help out (the center was having to close that day for lack of a counselor supervisor), and enjoying (for the most part) my pregnancy with our second child. It has been a very exciting time! I am 16 weeks along right now. This pregnancy has been a wonderful, but very different experience than my pregnancy with our first. I can laugh about it more now that I'm in my second trimester, the "sweet spot" of pregnancy. What I've learned so far is:

Being pregnant and the stay-at-home mom of a toddler is exponentially harder than being pregnant with your first while working. I told Peter that being first trimester exhausted while mothering a toddler was the hardest job I've ever had.
Lesson one was very concerning to me considering I want more children so I asked a mom of four how she did it. What I learned was very valuable. She said, "Some days my husband would come home from work and I would tell him, 'Everyone is alive. That's all you can ask of me today." The lesson? You do the best you can and you honor God.
Each pregnancy is different. This can be scary, but it can also be wonderful. It means just because I had some complications last time doesn't mean I'll have them this time. Each pregnancy is similar in other ways. Knowing what to expect this time meant I got to start feeling my little one move weeks and weeks earlier this time. That is one of my favorite parts!
As with all of life, you don't know what you don't know. Be open to learning.

I'm enjoying this pregnancy and trying to take in little moments here and there to enjoy it. This time around I know how quickly it flies by.

I'm Just Writing To Say...

2010-02-06T21:40:00.000-08:00

I have nothing to say.

I did, however, update the "Lately" section to the right.

Sharing

2010-01-30T14:15:00.000-08:00

Read this. I love it. That's all.

Motherhood

2010-01-21T09:33:00.000-08:00

Now and then I wonder if I'm doing the right thing staying home and being, as I often hear, "just" a mom. The overwhelming conclusion I come to again and again is yes, this is exactly where I should be and what I should be doing. Recently that answer came to me in the form of a beautiful legacy. On December 28 my friends Phil and Tim (and really Theresa too) lost their mom. I didn't know Phyllis well. I only met her a handful of times, but I have seen and heard the amazing impact she had in her sons' lives and in the lives of their friends. She was a woman who loved the Lord and so she loved others as He did. Phil shared that at Phyllis's memorial friends of his older brother got up and shared how in times their own families turned their backs on them Phyllis was there with a meal, a kind word, or a place sleep. This is the kind of mom I want to be. I want those in my life to know how deeply loved they are. As my daughter (and any other children the Lord may bless us with) grow up I want their friends to know that I care for and support them.
As I thought about this I realized more and more that the women who have made the greatest impact on my life have often been mothers. I don't have the words for all my own mother has taught me and done for me. I can only say that all that she sowed in tears, prayers, and long nights with a broken heart have been used by God to draw me to Him and make me the woman I am today. Some of you may also remember Aldeana who I wrote about last summer. She is impacting lives in new ways even now. These moms remind me why I fight through days I'm exhausted to chase a toddler who is running away in part to learn who she is. I have been blessed to be entrusted with one of the most demanding, challenging, and rewarding ministries out there. I get to be one of the most influential people in my daughter's life and in countless other lives by extension. Thank you, Phyllis, Mom, Aldeana, and all you other remarkable moms who taught me the beauty and unending value of being a mother.

Weird Fact (for Mousie)

2010-01-05T13:50:00.000-08:00

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE being the first person to dip into a newly opened jar of peanut butter!

My Time of Year

2010-01-05T13:17:00.000-08:00

Happy 2010! The new year has begun and the Christmas decorations are coming down. This marks the end of one of my favorite times of year. I love Christmas, but no, that's not what I'm writing about. I'm writing about the week after Christmas. The time that begins late in the day on Christmas and lasts until the decorations are coming down all around town. I love that window of time when the hustle and bustle of preparation is over. When we can breathe easy, have little do do, and just enjoy the Christmas decorations as the old year comes to a close and a new one begins. This little snippet of time each year (or years since it often bridges one to the next) is my favorite time to take my daughter out for a walk. The streets are quiet and the few people we see seem at peace. I think as a rule the decorations should stay up until January 7th. That way the joy of Christmas is carried into the new year and we are able to begin the new with the reminder first of Christ and then of the beauty of just being. Truthfully, I wish it could be this way as Christmas aproaches, but we seem too focused then on the doing & getting of things. For now I'll sadly watch as the lights come down, stubbornly leaving mine up a few extra days, and I'll rejoin the business of life. As I do, I will carry with me the joy of Christ, the wonder in my daughters eyes as she took in all the beautiful Christmas decorations, and the lessons I learned in 2009.

"Every breath is a second chance"

2009-12-31T16:11:00.000-08:00

That is a line from Switchfoot's new song "Your Love Is A Song." I love it. It is such a perfect reminder as a new year begins. I usually don't do resolutions. This year I've decided I'm going to. Here are a few of them:

Be more patient. I guess really my resolution is to get more time with God so that more of the fruit of the Spirit grows in my life.
Reconcile with my Wii Fit. We had an argument a few months ago when it told me I'd gained 4 pounds since I'd started using it. We haven't been on speaking terms since.
Be the best wife & mom I can be (with God's help).
Do more silly things just because.
Show those around me just how much I love them and not be afraid to be vulnerable.

Good-bye 2009. You were a good year all in all, but with some horribly difficult times. Thank you, Lord, for being faithful to see us through another year! Thank you for every new day and every "second chance."

Stunted

2009-12-28T23:51:00.000-08:00

I need to go to bed, but I thought that before I ended my day I'd check in. I have lots of things I could write about, but I'm not that interested in most of them so I imagine you wouldn't be either. Maybe I'll revisit them another time. For now I'm revisiting 2009. It has seemed like a very long year to me. Part of that has been watching my little girl grow.
Side note - she has recently begun calling out to me in Italian, "Mamma mia...mammma mia...maaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmma miiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaa!" I think it is hilarious and charming.
Another part of it has been that there have been so many big events. In my exhaustion typing this has caused my mind to burst out with, "Seasons Change" by Expose. I may be too tired to complete this post. I'll share anyway and I'll try to come back to it soon.

San Jose Snow Man

2009-12-24T09:08:00.000-08:00

As seen on a walk...

What I Learned Today...

2009-12-14T13:39:00.000-08:00

Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'"

---Matthew 4:4

A Quote

2009-12-10T13:30:00.000-08:00

"Wisdom is knowing what the right thing to do is. Virtue is doing it."

---Unknown

"Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel Shall Come To Thee, Oh Israel"

2009-12-06T12:40:00.000-08:00

This morning was rough. It started out wonderfully. My baby girl awoke as Peter was getting ready so he placed her next to me in our bed. We both fell back to sleep snuggled up together. The trouble began when we woke up just 25 minutes before we should have been leaving for church. For anyone without a toddler, that is not nearly enough time to get ready. My daughter is getting her canines in and is almost two. These two facts alone can double our usual getting ready estimate. The clearest picture of this is that it took nearly ten minutes to put her pants on. I'm laughing about it now, but earlier I was not laughing. One we were both dressed and ready I couldn't find my keys. Once I found my keys I looked at the clock and found that church was ending in about a half hour. Roughly the same amount of time it takes to get from our apartment to our church. I was disappointed. We were out of town last week & missed church so I really wanted to be there this morning. When I don't make it to church I miss worshiping in community. I miss seeing loved ones. I miss hearing God's word preached. This morning there was nothing I could do about the first two, but I could still hear God's word preached. I pulled up iTunes & looked up John MacArthur (a pastor & author my Dad-in-Law respects greatly) and listened. As I played the first sermon my toddler settled in and played quietly for the entire twenty-some minutes it took to listen. It was such a blessing. That being said, it is taking several attempts to listen to part two. I'm including the first message in case it can bless you as well.

Rejoice Always, 1

Merry Christmas!

Just Sharing

2009-12-05T20:30:00.001-08:00

Incredible!

Parking Lot Beauty

2009-12-05T10:02:00.000-08:00

Beautiful Joy

2009-12-01T13:10:00.000-08:00

"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song."

---Psalm 28:7

Visits, Dream Shopping, and What Really Matters

2009-11-30T22:48:00.000-08:00

I've had more of those wonderful reunions since I last wrote. My family and I were able to celebrate Thanksgiving as well as Nana's 80th, Richard's 29th, & Lindsey's 27th birthdays in Portland with my mom's whole side of the fam. It was wonderful! I also got to spend the day today with Amaya who is home from NY. It was so good just to be with loved ones.

Warning : This is going to be a fluff piece. I'm feeling fluffy ;)

I'm still contemplating a tattoo. I want the theme to be unconditional love. If you can think of a line, phrase, pic that exemplifies me please post it so I can include it in the ideas I'm mulling over.

I love wishlists. We've been over this. My lists are full of things I don't need, but still love thinking about. I think they are the most fun right before birthdays & Christmas because of all the possibility. Currently there are a few things I've been drooling over. One of them is in my "lately" list to the right. I saw it at Nordstrom tonight and now I'm longing for it. Gorgeous and fun while still pulling off sophistication. I'm also loving Hobo's Lauren wallet in Mogano. My Sephora wishlist is bursting. Amaya got me one of the fragrances I'd been wanting - Saint by Kat Von D. The other one I'm wanting is Unconditional Love. Sorry, for all the silly gushing. Amaya & I wandered the mall and I got all starry eyed.

Here comes the substance:

With Christmas coming I wanted to let folks know of some great places to donate to help those in need. A number of my friends & family are donating instead of exchanging gifts. I think it is awesome and wanted to encourage my readers to do the same. These are only a few options. There are so many other places to give. Please consider giving gifts that will last and change lives this year.

Heart to Heart International
Community Pregnancy Centers
CityTeam Ministries
Living Water International
Covenant House

Listen Here

2009-11-12T12:36:00.000-08:00

Anyone who knows me knows that I love music. I have no talent for it (unless you count often knowing titles & artists). I would gladly listen to music from the moment I wake. I can't listen to it until I fall asleep because I have the bad habit of keeping myself awake listening. I love the power music has to influence your mood or take you back to an entirely different place and time. I love that the opening notes to "America" by Simon and Garfunkel make me feel I'm being embraced by an old friend. To share the music I'm discovering and my dearly loved favorites I've added a section at the very bottom right of this blog that lists songs I've bookmarked on my pandora stations. I hope you'll enjoy it.

Yesterday's Quote

2009-11-08T08:55:00.000-08:00

"Cheese has no business..."

"...being easy?"

---The first part was me & then Peter filled in where he thought I should be going with it

Confessions of an Admittedly Insecure Blogger

2009-11-01T22:59:00.000-08:00

Warning : I am about to delve into my insecurities. This is not a plea for a response. It will sound that way and I know it. I'm choosing to write anyway.

While I write my blog mostly for myself I still find myself hungry for interaction. I find myself longing to know someone out there is reading and caring what I'm thinking. I check my blog for comments regularly. I link my blog to my facebook notes so I can receive comments there as well. Today one of my entries received two "likes" and it made me smile.

I haven't spent much of my life being insecure. When I first moved to California I went through a time of being so shy I wanted to fade into nonexistence. So much so that I used to "cut" recess and hide under my desk to read. Eventually it got better and I made more friends. Suddenly in Jr. High I burst from my shell and never looked back. Throughout high school and college I was very self assured. I, of course, dealt with the usual insecurities in relationships (sometimes more than the usual), but overall I knew who I was and what I wanted. I've felt much less that way since becoming a mom. I know there are a million reasons for this (it's the most wonderful yet hardest job I've ever had, I've put on a few pounds, I'm finding the balance between the various roles in my life, etc). Writing makes me feel more secure. It has been part of me for years. Whether it was diaries, poetry, essays, or ramblings it has been a way for me to sort through my feelings. It has also been a way for me to share those feelings and better understand the feelings of others. I guess it makes me feel more myself.

Blogging is much like the other mediums in many ways except that you are rarely present when it is being read. It leaves you little chance to experience the readers' response. This has been hard for me. It has been difficult not to see or hear a response. I find myself longing for any kind of interaction with what I've written, any feedback - good or bad (but mostly good if I'm honest). At times it has made me question my writing or, more accurately, my writing of a blog. I'm still deciding how I feel about taking so much of myself and placing it out into the world so publicly. I think I am more for sharing in intimate settings like poetry readings and time with friends. Then again, I suppose if all writers were this way we'd have no books.

Familiar Faces OR That Joyful Leap Of Your Heart

2009-11-01T17:30:00.000-08:00

In early October I got to be part of some homecomings and overlapping visits of old friends. Kelly made it back to SJ to adopt my Sis-In-Law's dog (being the saint she is drove all the way from AZ to pick her up). Kerr came for a wedding. It was the first time since my wedding in 2005 they were here at the same time.

Kelly and I sat across from one another in eighth grade science. We've been close ever since. We saw each other through the best and worst of high school. We helped each other grapple with things fourteen, fifteen, and sixteen year olds should never have to face. We built the sort of bonds that make you sisters no matter the passage of time. Kel moved to Arizona after shortly after we graduated and, although we visited regularly for a few years, in the end we floated in and out of one another's lives. This time it had been two years since we'd seen each other.

Kerr and I met in junior high as well. We started to get close when he & Dom would cut church and walk to my house on Sunday mornings. It wasn't until freshman year, however, that we became best friends. Strangely enough, I remember the exact moment that cinched it. I was fourteen and he was fifteen (our birthdays are back to back) and it was at a party at Raf's. I was there for him in a moment of need. After that we were there for each other, period. Over the last eighteen years our lives have changed and gone in different directions, but there has never been a moment when we couldn't call the other. Kerr had been home several months back, but we never get to see enough of each other when he is here and there is always a sadness when he has to go back to Texas.

The weekend after Kelly and Kerr's visits I got to see my cousin Bart for the first time in twelve years. Bart & I are only a few months apart in age. We grew up near each other until we were about eight years old and our families moved. His to Wisconsin and mine to California. From then on we lived half way and, at times, all the way across the country from each other. We'd see each other every few years and it'd be like no time had passed at all. I can't believe this time it had been twelve years, long enough for me to finish college, him to be stationed overseas more than once, us to both get married, and for me to have a child.

What I wanted to write about was that moment you first see a loved one after much too much time has passed. It is the moment you first lay eyes on them when it fully hits you just how much you've missed them. You are always aware that you miss them when you think of them, but life keeps going and you accept that you don't get to see them. You stop really thinking about the fact that they are no longer part of your everyday life, though you'd like them to be. All of that dulls until the moment you see them again. All of a sudden it washes over you how much you've missed them and how glad you are that they have been in your life. I felt so blessed to get to have three of those moments within a week. Kelly, Kerr, and Bart, I love you guys more than you know. Boppa, Momma, Richard, Aunties, Uncles, Cousins, Talicia, Amaya, Janette, and a few others, I'm waiting for those moments. I love you and I can't wait until I see you next!!

Avoidance Never Makes It Go Away

2009-11-01T16:41:00.000-08:00

Amaya has once again inspired me (she's pretty good at that, as most of you know). She has finally caught up on her blog and it challenged me to do the same. You may have noticed I've been avoiding writing much of anything deep for a while now. The ideas for blog entries have been piling up in my head, but I just haven't been able to force myself to sit down and write them. I think part of it has been how busy we've been this last month. We've been hugely blessed to see family which is wonderful; however, having so much going on and traveling and such has just left me spent. When I get a chance to sit down all I want to do veg out and let my brain leak out my ear. This has led to more than a few hours of mindless television and Bejeweled Blitz. It has also led to my poor blog gathering dust except for very brief entries, quotes, and videos. Sorry. I will put some time into it this week.

Trusting

2009-11-01T16:28:00.001-08:00

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."

---Romans 8:28

Little Joys

2009-10-25T14:28:00.000-07:00

My brother was in town for the weekend and this morning we dragged our exhausted selves out the door to take my daughter for a walk. We meandered along talking while my toddler rode in her stroller. When we were a little more than half way home we wandered through the park and A wanted to get out and walk. I let her and she ended up walking then running then walking again the rest of the several blocks home. It was amazing. I loved watching her explore. She picked up acorns and stuffed her pockets with them. She greeted dogs out on walks with their owners. She shrieked, "run, 'mon, 'mon" (her shortened version of 'come on') and ran gleefully as Richard chased her along. She watched squirrels run up and down trees. She wandered into patches of tall grass and bent down to touch it just to see what it felt like. She counted things just because she can now. When we got home she was exhausted and asked for an early nap, but she had loved every minute of the morning. It was a reminder to me of the joy we can find in God's creation. It was a reminder of how often I let the day get away from me without letting myself really experience the wonders that I'm surrounded by. It was a challenge to me (and I hope it can be to you as well) to enjoy every day and all the tiny miracles scattered like acorns along the way.

Happy Fall!!

2009-10-21T14:35:00.001-07:00

Verse of the Day

2009-10-12T14:19:00.001-07:00

"The LORD delights in those who fear Him, who put their hope in His unfailing love."

---Psalm 147:11

Lately I've been...

2009-10-07T16:41:00.000-07:00

has been updated (see right).

Also:
-Listening to the mix I made my brother.

This Weeek

2009-10-07T10:31:00.000-07:00

Here is a summary (in chronological order) of the past week and a bit of what's to come the rest of this one.

Low Points:

Baby & I have been sick
Had to miss couples' group breakfast, church, Bible study, AND women's study
Not enough down time to get better quickly (Mom's only get down time when children are sleeping)
Missing going to SF with Kerr & Arndis today (P got called in & the rest of us are still recovering)

High Points:

Curled up in my favorite sickie outfit (complete with comfy footwear) and read a good book
Fall weather got here!
Got to hang out with Kelly, Kerr, & Gina (Amazing to have Kel & Kerr in town at the same time!)
Sent Tula off to her new home with Kelly in AZ
Found my baby girl sitting on the couch with her hands folded and head down saying, "Daddy, Daddy, Uncle..." She was praying for Peter & Richard. Cutest thing I've ever seen.
Being silly with my hubbie
Listening to long unheard songs on my iTunes and remembering the wonderful people God has placed in my life over the years
Will get to go see Poppa Bill, Momma Lynne, Deb, Ted, & my precious nephews

I'm ready to be done feeling like someone is standing on my face, but beyond that it has been a pretty great week. I'm continuing my work on T.J.'s birthday gift. I'm excited about it! Her birthday was last week, but I wasn't done yet. I may post about it once she's received it, but can't before then (it'd ruin the surprise). Today we're going to focus on resting, getting better, and trying to get things done around the house.

Listening To "Brilliant Dance" On My Old "Streetlight Romance" CD

2009-10-07T09:41:00.000-07:00

There IS Crying In Baseball

2009-09-29T22:45:00.000-07:00

Bengie Molina's postgame interview just made me cry.

Yes, I know it has been ages since my last post. I have plans for a number of entries, but things have been crazy. September was supposed to be my laid back month after my crazy August. It didn't work out that way at all. Sorry, Friends. I promise to come back.

Saturday In The Park

2009-09-13T08:57:00.000-07:00

Love Them

2009-09-11T00:01:00.000-07:00

"Every little thing wants to be loved."

---The Secret Life of Bees

Needless Information

2009-09-06T00:09:00.000-07:00

In case you are interested in what I've been into lately I've added a new little list to the right hand column of this blog. I'll keep it updated with books, music, movies, shopping, websites, and clothes. I hope you enjoy it.

"Live From An Authentic Place"

2009-09-05T23:29:00.000-07:00

I heard that tonight (spoken by Rick Allen of Def Leppard) and it struck me. I've been working on it for a while now and I feel like I'm getting better at it. I've said before that I spent too much time pretending all was well even when it wasn't, but part of what God has been teaching me as of late is that living authentically means sharing my joys as well. It means connecting with people. I don't think I have invested enough in people in the last few years. My friendships are dear to me, but I don't make (or sometimes, unfortunately, have) time for them. I think in some ways I've gotten lazy if I'm honest, but life has also changed. I feel disjointed at times because there are so many amazing people around me that I love deeply. I want to spend time with all of them, but, realistically, I can't. I feel like because of that I have many shallow relationships instead of a few deep ones. Thankfully, I've been blessed with some great friends that I can pick up with after a long time and feel like we saw each other yesterday. Unfortunately, we don't get to live day to day life together. All this to say that God has been teaching me that I need those connections. He has also been reminding me that most of all I need Him. He is the one who makes me feel whole. He is the one who is all sufficient. I haven't been making time for Him lately and I feel the drain of it. I need more than quick prayers before meals, bed, and as I fly through my day. I need to really connect with Him. My marriage, my child, and my loved ones will receive the overflowing blessings if I do.

"All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort"

---2 Cor. 1:3

Sleeeeeeeep

2009-09-03T21:28:00.000-07:00

I need these cute earplugs, mask, and a loved one to take the night shift tonight ;)

Boo down to bed - 8:15pm

Current time - 9:28pm

Wake Up count - 1

Short & Real

2009-09-03T13:14:00.000-07:00

I'm sooooooooo tired. The night before last was my first night of real sleep in about a week. Unfortunately last night was back to no sleep until 2 and then it was patchy at best. This week it has been our poor baby having a rough time. The weekend was adventures with Baby Benadryl since our little one got something with cashew in it. For some reason I slept really poorly on the trip so that accounts for last week. Sorry there haven't been posts. I'm drained. Life is good beyond that. I hope it is for you as well.

"By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. "

2 Peter 1:3

1 Portland Lesson

2009-08-29T23:18:00.000-07:00

"...nostalgia is just memory without the pain."

---Leah Kaplan

I Might Be That Fairy

2009-08-29T17:40:00.000-07:00

I'm home from Portland ow. I'll do an update soon about my great trip and the comedy of errors that was coming home. For now, enjoy the amazing card my wonderful Theresa sent me:

Smile Inducing Goodness

2009-08-20T12:46:00.000-07:00

A Sigh Of Relief (and more prayers)

2009-08-19T22:11:00.000-07:00

First off, I want to thank everyone for the prayers, comments, and text messages (unfortunately I just got all of them because my phone was malfunctioning). Our appointment with the doctor went well. Our Babes was amazing and stood still for the examination - miraculous for a toddler. Our pediatrician thinks it is probably a cyst, hernia, or hematoma. He is not concerned right now because it hasn't grown and isn't causing her pain. He gave us a referral to a Pediatric Surgeon for a clearer diagnosis, but doesn't think we will need to do anything about it. I'll call tomorrow for an appointment so we can find out exactly what this is. I'm beyond relieved that they don't feel it is anything to be worried about. Peter and I have been paising God all afternoon/evening! I'm sorry I wasn't able to get this posted sooner. Peter had to do some work from home. It has been a long day. I'm exhausted, but so thankful that she is O.K. I'm going to go sleep soundly now. Thank you again, Friends. You are blessings to our family. I'll leave you with a shot of her playing with another favorite (and free) toy:

Thank You, Amy

2009-08-19T12:47:00.000-07:00

A dear friend just sent me this as an encouragement. It was exactly what I needed so I thought I'd share...

Note To Self II

2009-08-19T12:17:00.001-07:00

Peter's Favorite Quote Today

2009-08-19T10:58:00.000-07:00

"Sometimes girls and monkeys think exactly alike."

---Curious George

Fighting Fear With Faith

2009-08-19T10:40:00.000-07:00

Today I'm walking by faith. My little one has a follow up doctor's appointment at 2:30 to check a strange bump on her stomach. The first appointment sent me reeling when the doctor filling in for our regular pediatrician casually commented that there was "almost no chance it's cancer." It was a thought that hadn't even crossed my mind so all I heard at first was the C word and only later was able to appreciate the "almost no" part. She told us to keep an eye on it and come back in two weeks. The hope was that she'd just bumped herself on something and the spot was swelling that would go away. It's been two weeks and nothing has changed. I'm sad it hasn't disappeared, but pleased it hasn't grown. I've been praying through it and have been learning to lean on God in this. My fervent prayer is that it is nothing serious. I'm frightened that it is, but most of the time I can trust that it's not or that if it is God will carry us all through it. Honestly though, I don't want her to have to "go through" anything. She has an amazing joy, curiosity, and love of life. I want her life to be hard enough that she develops character, but easy enough that she holds onto her happy-go-lucky view of it. I guess that is what all parents want for their kids. So today I'm walking by faith. I'm pushing back the fear and I'm enjoying watching my precious baby girl climb in and out of the laundry basket for the seven thousandth time.

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline."
1 Tim. 1:7

True That!

2009-08-15T20:52:00.000-07:00

"There's something weird about every family. That's what makes America great."

---Psych

Blurb

2009-08-11T11:10:00.000-07:00

I want to post all about my amazing birthday and the incredible people who made it that way, but I can't! I have a baby with a small sleep window and LOTS to do for the divine Mrs. Lee, her tiny Lee, & the baby shower of love. For now, thanks so much to everyone who made me feel so loved on (and before) my big day! Also,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KERR!!!

Only 2 More Days!!

2009-08-07T21:25:00.001-07:00

How Awesome Is That?

2009-08-07T20:58:00.000-07:00

I got a package from Fed Ex today. This was odd since I hadn't ordered anything, but I didn't think much of it with my birthday coming. When I saw that it was from Pampered Chef I got excited. They have great products. As I opened the box and saw what was inside I burst out laughing. Peter looked somewhat puzzled. I held it up and he nodded knowingly. It was a new pitcher! Those still feeling somewhat quizzical should read my Pink Is The New Grout post. It was from Felicia. She's amazing and clearly has a fantastic sense of humor. I knew you would want to see it so here is my exciting, new, and fully functioning pitcher:It even came with recipes. Here is the one I'm going to make for my birthday:

Frosty Latte

Ingredients:

4	cups (1 L) vanilla or coffee ice cream, slightly softened
2	cups (500 mL) milk, well chilled
2	cups (500 mL) brewed coffee, cooled to room temperature

Directions:
1.	Scoop ice cream into Quick-Stir® Pitcher. Add milk and coffee. Cover pitcher with lid; plunge to mix. Serve immediately.

Incidentally, Felicia is a rep for them so if you need anything you should order it from her through this convenient link.

Had To Share

2009-08-06T22:21:00.001-07:00

I love this.
I thought the world (or at least my readers and facebook friends) should know.

Jut wondering

2009-08-06T10:59:00.001-07:00

Where did the cent sign go on the keyboard? Wasn't it there when I was a kid? I'm virtually positive it was.

Gloriously Thwarted

2009-08-06T10:27:00.000-07:00

My ever so relaxing week before my birthday fell through. Life got in the way. That is O.K. though, because it is full of other ways I'm getting to celebrate. I'm getting to honor people I love and be part of life experiences. Monday my family was in town and we got to have dinner together, run errands, and enjoy each other! My dad bought Boo a little pink lei for 27 cents and she thought it was the most beautiful thing she'd ever worn. Tuesday I put in several hours preparing for Stacy's baby shower. I'm really excited about it. Stacy and her baby deserve to be celebrated and I'm gad I'm getting to be part of doing this for her. Yesterday we spent time with Cathie before her move. We also got to go for a walk with my Dad-in-Law (who recently moved, but was visiting). Before that we took our little one to be part of a study at Stanford. I'm getting to see her come into her own more and more each day. Sometimes that means learning new words or skills and other times it means screaming and rolling on the floor. In the moment the former pleases me much more than the latter, but both mean she is learning about life and that is exhilarating. This week may have been somewhat unexpected, but it was in the very best way.

Completely Frivolous Post

2009-08-04T22:51:00.000-07:00

I have begun my eBay empire (as Peter calls it). I just sold 3 things on ebay. I liked it. I'm pleased that people who appreciate them can have things I don't need anymore. I'm even more pleased they want to give me money for them.

Warning, rant to ensue.
Why is it the vast majority of intelligent/creative shows get canceled within the first two or three seasons, but junk like "Two & a Half Men" is still on? Here are just a few examples:

The Black Donnellys
Eli Stone
October Road
The Unusuals
Life
feel free to add to my list in comments (I know Talicia and Andrew were upset about "Pushing Daisies" - an emmy winning canceled show)

I'm mad that "Chuck" was even being considered for cancellation (only to be saved by Subway). Also awful, is the fact that most shows don't get much notice that they are going to be canceled so the writers never get a chance to give any kind of closure. A perfect example of this is "Gilmore Girls." It was a great show, but it had possibly the worst (and most thrown together) end in TV history. I guess I should be thankful that there was some kind of end. Most of the shows I listed above didn't even get that. "October Road" got a ten minute wrap up on the DVD of their last season. Most of the others didn't even get that. I think the problem (other than lowbrow humor being what America seems to be demanding) is that the rating system is broken. I don't know many people who watch TV at the time it is actually aired anymore. Most people watch online, record the shows to watch them later, or wait to see them when they are released on DVD. How do we get these things considered in the rating system? Is there a reason they are being overlooked? I'm betting it is because the adverts don't get watched when people watch in these ways (though you are usually forced to if you watch them online). I'm done now. Thank you for humoring me in my crankiness.

Now off to bed. This last week has been a rough one in the sleep department.

Picking Up The Pen

2009-08-03T23:14:00.000-07:00

I used to be a poet. That sounds grandiose, but it's not. I used to write poetry. I haven't written a poem in ages. I'm almost positive the last thing a wrote was a poem to Amaya's father. If I'm correct, that was roughly five years ago. Before that I was nearly always writing. If you want to see a few things I wrote, feel free. A lot of my writing was born out of confusion, irony, longing, joy, or sadness. I still experience those, but I guess I process them differently now. I've been mulling over trying to start writing again. We'll see what comes of it. For tonight, here is what did:

Soft rain and strong music mingle in my ears
Flirting with the silence of the night.

Already There

2009-08-02T22:23:00.000-07:00

"It is the fool who fails to return to the place of his last happiness."

--October Road

Bad Habits, Brave Mean Reds, & Home

2009-08-01T21:34:00.000-07:00

I have a lot of bad habits. Shocked? Probably not. As Stephanie's post touched on the other day I pick at & bite the skin around my nails (no, not my nails, just my cuticles & skin...ew). I'm working on quitting, but I still do it. I can be very selfish. I leave the TV on with a show paused for upwards of an hour on a regular basis. I'm usually late. I pile paper all over my house and rarely go through it. I check my voicemail on a bi weekly basis (or so). I throw pity parties. I interrupt people. None of that is what I'm going to write about. Tonight's bad habit in the spot light is (insert drum roll here) I hide. If I'm feeling down all I want to do is curl up in my house. Sometimes it is just that simple, sometimes it's deeper than that (due to a very bad past relationship I'd rather avoid people than chance that they might see me cry, another thing I'm working on...sort of). Tonight I have a semi hormone induced case of the brave mean reds. I'm not scared, I'm sad, down for no real reason. Where am I then? Home. Some wonderful friends are downstairs BarBQing. Peter & I were invited to join them. He headed down. I, on the other hand, used Lacie's heating pad on my unhappy back, watched an episode of "Mental," and moped a bit. I love my friends. I love spending time with them. I used to always want to be out. I used to be one of the most social people I knew (this can be confirmed by asking any of my college friends). Now, not so much. I still love being goofy and having a good time. I still have dreams and adventures. Yet, when the blues hit I'd rather be the only one home (Boo's here, but she's in bed). Home is my bubble in a lot of ways. I like it here. I like being out, but on a rough night this feels safer. Maybe it is good thing in some ways. I think the best thing would be to put myself out there and just be honest about how I'm feeling, but I don't think I'm quite there yet. I spent a lot of years (college included) being dishonest about how I was doing. In high school and early college if I was down I self medicated until I wasn't anymore. That went badly. In later college and the years after, I was doing much better and was genuinely happy for the most part, but when I wasn't I faked it. I had a few extremely close friends I was honest with, but for the most part that was only on a one on one basis. In groups I couldn't bring myself to do it. I think now I'm more honest with myself about how I'm doing and unwilling to fake being O.K. when I'm not. I know myself well enough to know if I walk out that door I'll revert. I'll fall right back into pretending I'm fine. Instead I don't walk out the door. Is that worse or better? I'm choosing to believe it is better because I'm not pretending. Even if I'm being authentic alone, I'm still being authentic. I guess that shows growth. I guess even posting this shows growth. My lessons learned should be tempered with things I'm still wrestling with. I'll keep wrestling. This wrestling was as much rambling and fluid thought as anything else. Thanks for bearing with me.

Thank You!

2009-08-01T18:31:00.000-07:00

Thanks for all the feedback on the bomber jacket for A's costume. The authentic style won by a landslide. It was my favorite too. It's been purchased and came today. She was a little unsure why Mommy was putting a huge coat on her in 80 degree weather, but was a good sport and wore it long enough for a quick photo. Here she is:

Unveiling

2009-07-31T13:19:00.000-07:00

Here it is...

(flat ironed)

(post shower)

Much thanks to Jac, Jenn, Kacey, and Boston!!

Here is a bonus pic of the cutie this morning:

Medical Insurance...Do Share

2009-07-30T10:47:00.000-07:00

Peter & I have a meeting tomorrow to get our medical insurance figured out. Peter's main job is a contractor so we have to get our own medical insurance. We currently have a Blue Shield P.P.O. that has been wonderful medically but more expensive than we can afford (read, premiums more than our rent and we still owe on our 18 month old daughter's birth - time in the N.I.C.U. is expensive, but priceless). Recently our monthly premiums were raised again and we decided it was time for a change. We have looked at H.S.A.s, high deductible P.P.O.s, Kaiser, and have thought about an H.M.O.

I've never had an H.M.O. so I know almost nothing about them. I know the main difference is that my General Practitioner would have to refer me to any other specialists, but not much else. What are the groups in this area? Do they include any of my current doctors? Would we still get to go to Good Sam?

I've never had Kaiser either, but at least 3/4 of what I've heard have been horror stories. After watching how they've handled Lenny's Grandpa after his stroke this past week I'm honestly somewhat frightened for their patients and have no desire to be one of them. Am I wrong? Are there others of you out there who have had wonderful experiences with them?

Please share. If you live in California (or used to) let me know what medical insurance you have or have had and what kind of reviews you'd give it. If you are involved with the medical community please share your thoughts. The more information we can get when making this decision the better. Thanks in advance for your help!!

Almost Here

2009-07-29T14:18:00.000-07:00

My birthday is coming in just two weeks. I LOVE birthdays! I think it is all the possibilities of a new year, the celebrating with people I love, and how life affirming they are. I'll be 32 this year. I'm incredibly excited. I've always thought that 32 sounded like an exciting age. I'm not sure why. I hope it will be. I've decided to do some things to feel just a little more fabulous as year 32 begins.

I'm getting my hair done tomorrow (YAY for Jac being all better!). I'll post pictures.
I'm one step closer to beginning my "tattoo process." I've decided on "She will always love." in a cursive or scroll font. It will be a wandering swirl on the back of my neck. Now I just need a mock up to hang somewhere. Do any of you graphic designer font ninjas have suggestions for fonts I should look at?
I have a gift card for a facial & massage that Peter gave me for our anniversary that I think I'll schedule for next week.
I have a gift certificate for a mani & pedi (thanks Lacie, Kacey, Andrew, & R.J.) from my birthday last year that I'm going to use.

Peter has asked me to start brainstorming how I want to celebrate. I'm really not sure. I just know I want to be with my loved ones. Any ideas out there? I want to do sushi with Talicia while she's here as one part. Just her being here is a gift! YAY for birthdays!

Lessons in Contentment, Day 3

2009-07-29T13:09:00.000-07:00

Lesson One (A.K.A. Today's Funny Story):
This morning Peter's car randomly rolled and was blocking a nearby apartment building's driveway. The cops were called. We got a $50 ticket. The car would have been towed, costing us $1,500, if Peter hadn't randomly decided to go running just as the cop showed up. Praise God for the tiny prompts He gives us! My lesson in this was how crazy it was that I focused first on the $50 we now owe instead of the $1,450 we don't.

Lesson Two (A.K.A. Today's Update):
I'm filling in at my old job today. It is a wonderful place. I'm getting the chance to spend time with women who are "soul refreshing" friends. The people who just seeing their smile makes your burdens feel lighter and life feel easier. It is such a blessing. It reminds me of all my other friends who do this for me and how I need to make more time for them. It reminds me that I'm blessed to have them. I miss my little girl, but I know she & her daddy are having a blast and being here today will help me be a better mommy.

Lesson Three (A.K.A. The Really Important One):
Some of you may remember my friend Donna. We used to work together here until I had my daughter. Wednesdays were the day we worked together. She's not here today because she is at chemo. Instead of getting to hear how things are from her I'm reading an e-mail. Her joy and upbeat personality still come through. I don't think she would mind if I share some of her wise words:

"Every day has a fork in the road. We can choose to travel down the road of self-piy, self-introspection, or self-absorption. The problem is that fork always leads to a dead end. It leaves us weary, discouraged and out of options because we were never meant to live life on our own. And we certainly don't have all the answers.

On the other hand, we can choose gratitude. Admittedly, this is the road less traveled. But then, that means a smoother ride - less bumps, potholes, and loose debris. This road always leads to somewhere better than where we are. It lifts us out of the mundane and invites us into the Divine.

Strangely, if we don't make the choice, it will be made for us by circumstances. Most of us are like cars with our wheels out of alignment. We automatically drift towards bitterness. Gratitude realigns our souls and keeps us on the right road."

I'll end with the same verse she ended her e-mail with:

"Be joyful always...give thanks in all circumstances"
1 Thes. 5:16-18

Lessons In Contentment, Day 2

2009-07-28T12:06:00.000-07:00

I had just finished getting everything prepared to take a much needed shower...

Let's take a moment right here. What does "everything prepared" mean? The moms out there know. It means your home, yourself, and your toddler. For the record, this is harder and more time consuming than it sounds.

...when I find out that the water has been turned off...again...with no notice. Arg. Where is that Note to Self I wrote? Where is that cheery attitude I had yesterday when this happened? I'm sure I'll find them, but for now I'm ticked. I don't want to take my daughter, my dirty hair, and I out to do errands sans shower.

Wait, here's my note. I found it while going to the kitchen where I also found my sense of humor and my daughter dipping a toy car in the cats' water bowl.

Poll

2009-07-28T11:38:00.000-07:00

I need a little help. My baby Boo LOVES airplanes. When we visit my parents she'll repeat, "airple," (which sounds like apple, but means airplane) and knock on the garage door until someone takes her out there to look at my dad's remote controlled planes. When we go to Target and planes fly over the parking lot she blows them kisses. This is a wonderful thing since my dad has been hoping for another flight enthusiast in his line for years. I decided that because of all this she should be a tiny aviator for Halloween (think Amelia Earheart meets Easy Company). I bought her a little aviator hat and I'm going to make her goggles from black felt. Now I'll just looking for her jacket. I'm looking at two. One is for a girl so she'd get more use out of it (a little more $$), but the other one is so authentic that I'm a little bit in love with it (a little less $$). I thought I'd put it out there and get some help with the descision. Here they are:

orWhat do YOU think?

More Excitement!!

2009-07-27T23:52:00.000-07:00

I have more good news that I feel the need to share:

Stephanie's blog totally blessed and is helping me.
I got a coupon for a free pint of Starbucks Ice Cream!!
I'M GETTING A PACKAGE FROM AMAYA TOMORROW!!! If you didn't know, I love mail and surprises!!
My birthday is coming!
Peter bought me cookie dough!
Talicia is visiting soon!!!