Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Fighting Fear With Faith

Today I'm walking by faith. My little one has a follow up doctor's appointment at 2:30 to check a strange bump on her stomach. The first appointment sent me reeling when the doctor filling in for our regular pediatrician casually commented that there was "almost no chance it's cancer." It was a thought that hadn't even crossed my mind so all I heard at first was the C word and only later was able to appreciate the "almost no" part. She told us to keep an eye on it and come back in two weeks. The hope was that she'd just bumped herself on something and the spot was swelling that would go away. It's been two weeks and nothing has changed. I'm sad it hasn't disappeared, but pleased it hasn't grown. I've been praying through it and have been learning to lean on God in this. My fervent prayer is that it is nothing serious. I'm frightened that it is, but most of the time I can trust that it's not or that if it is God will carry us all through it. Honestly though, I don't want her to have to "go through" anything. She has an amazing joy, curiosity, and love of life. I want her life to be hard enough that she develops character, but easy enough that she holds onto her happy-go-lucky view of it. I guess that is what all parents want for their kids. So today I'm walking by faith. I'm pushing back the fear and I'm enjoying watching my precious baby girl climb in and out of the laundry basket for the seven thousandth time.

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline."
1 Tim. 1:7

1 comment:

  1. First of all, I will be praying all day. Secondly, doctors can say the dumbest things and we get so perturbed with them for being seemingly inept and then when they come along and save the day we hug them and want to never let go. Try to remember that casual comments that scare the living daylights out of us aside, their entire focus - their reason for getting up in the morning - is healing. Making people well. And whether they believe in God or not, remember that God is the Giver of Gifts. He has empowered them with the knowledge to examine Aubrie and take whatever action is necessary to make her well. And if God is giving the gifts, it's not exactly going to be something you'd give away at a white elephant party. Thirdly, whether it's a goofy looking mole that will get a nickname in 3rd grade or cancer that will change her life, remember she is not alone. I firmly believe that she will keep her happy-go-lucky outlook on life because she is surrounded by the most incredible people and that her family and friends won't let her lose it. She could have been put in any family. She could have been put in a broken home full of poverty, anger and overwhelming despair like some children are when they encounter something like this. But she wasn't. She was given to you, Courtney. And I can't imagine a better mother, father, grandparents, uncle and all the rest of the family and friends to foster and nurture that childlike innocence no matter what the outcome. I love you.