Motherhood

Now and then I wonder if I'm doing the right thing staying home and being, as I often hear, "just" a mom.  The overwhelming conclusion I come to again and again is yes, this is exactly where I should be and what I should be doing.  Recently that answer came to me in the form of a beautiful legacy.  On December 28 my friends Phil and Tim (and really Theresa too) lost their mom.  I didn't know Phyllis well.  I only met her a handful of times, but I have seen and heard the amazing impact she had in her sons' lives and in the lives of their friends.  She was a woman who loved the Lord and so she loved others as He did.  Phil shared that at Phyllis's memorial friends of his older brother got up and shared how in times their own families turned their backs on them Phyllis was there with a meal, a kind word, or a place sleep.  This is the kind of mom I want to be.  I want those in my life to know how deeply loved they are.  As my daughter (and any other children the Lord may bless us with) grow up I want their friends to know that I care for and support them.
As I thought about this I realized more and more that the women who have made the greatest impact on my life have often been mothers.  I don't have the words for all my own mother has taught me and done for me.  I can only say that all that she sowed in tears, prayers, and long nights with a broken heart have been used by God to draw me to Him and make me the woman I am today.  Some of you may also remember Aldeana who I wrote about last summer.  She is impacting lives in new ways even now.  These moms remind me why I fight through days I'm exhausted to chase a toddler who is running away in part to learn who she is.  I have been blessed to be entrusted with one of the most demanding, challenging, and rewarding ministries out there.  I get to be one of the most influential people in my daughter's life and in countless other lives by extension.  Thank you, Phyllis, Mom, Aldeana, and all you other remarkable moms who taught me the beauty and unending value of being a mother.

Familiar Faces OR That Joyful Leap Of Your Heart

In early October I got to be part of some homecomings and overlapping visits of old friends.  Kelly made it back to SJ to adopt my Sis-In-Law's dog (being the saint she is drove all the way from AZ to pick her up).  Kerr came for a wedding.  It was the first time since my wedding in 2005 they were here at the same time.

Kelly and I sat across from one another in eighth grade science.  We've been close ever since.  We saw each other through the best and worst of high school.  We helped each other grapple with things fourteen, fifteen, and sixteen year olds should never have to face.  We built the sort of bonds that make you sisters no matter the passage of time.  Kel moved to Arizona after shortly after we graduated and, although we visited regularly for a few years, in the end we floated in and out of one another's lives.  This time it had been two years since we'd seen each other.

Kerr and I met in junior high as well.  We started to get close when he & Dom would cut church and walk to my house on Sunday mornings.  It wasn't until freshman year, however, that we became best friends.  Strangely enough, I remember the exact moment that cinched it.  I was fourteen and he was fifteen (our birthdays are back to back) and it was at a party at Raf's.  I was there for him in a moment of need.  After that we were there for each other, period.  Over the last eighteen years our lives have changed and gone in different directions, but there has never been a moment when we couldn't call the other.  Kerr had been home several months back, but we never get to see enough of each other when he is here and there is always a sadness when he has to go back to Texas.

The weekend after Kelly and Kerr's visits I got to see my cousin Bart for the first time in twelve years.  Bart & I are only a few months apart in age.  We grew up near each other until we were about eight years old and our families moved.  His to Wisconsin and mine to California.  From then on we lived half way and, at times, all the way across the country from each other.  We'd see each other every few years and it'd be like no time had passed at all.  I can't believe this time it had been twelve years, long enough for me to finish college, him to be stationed overseas more than once, us to both get married, and for me to have a child.

What I wanted to write about was that moment you first see a loved one after much too much time has passed.  It is the moment you first lay eyes on them when it fully hits you just how much you've missed them.  You are always aware that you miss them when you think of them, but life keeps going and you accept that you don't get to see them.  You stop really thinking about the fact that they are no longer part of your everyday life, though you'd like them to be.  All of that dulls until the moment you see them again.  All of a sudden it washes over you how much you've missed them and how glad you are that they have been in your life.  I felt so blessed to get to have three of those moments within a week.  Kelly, Kerr, and Bart, I love you guys more than you know.  Boppa, Momma, Richard, Aunties, Uncles, Cousins, Talicia, Amaya, Janette, and a few others, I'm waiting for those moments.  I love you and I can't wait until I see you next!!

This Weeek

Here is a summary (in chronological order) of the past week and a bit of what's to come the rest of this one.

Low Points:

• Baby & I have been sick
• Had to miss couples' group breakfast, church, Bible study, AND women's study
• Not enough down time to get better quickly (Mom's only get down time when children are sleeping)
  
• Missing going to SF with Kerr & Arndis today (P got called in & the rest of us are still recovering)

High Points:

• Curled up in my favorite sickie outfit (complete with comfy footwear) and read a good book
  
• Fall weather got here!
• Got to hang out with Kelly, Kerr, & Gina  (Amazing to have Kel & Kerr in town at the same time!)
• Sent Tula off to her new home with Kelly in AZ
  
• Found my baby girl sitting on the couch with her hands folded and head down saying, "Daddy, Daddy, Uncle..."  She was praying for Peter & Richard.  Cutest thing I've ever seen.  
• Being silly with my hubbie 
• Listening to long unheard songs on my iTunes and remembering the wonderful people God has placed in my life over the years
  
• Will get to go see Poppa Bill, Momma Lynne, Deb, Ted, & my precious nephews

I'm ready to be done feeling like someone is standing on my face, but beyond that it has been a pretty great week.  I'm continuing my work on T.J.'s birthday gift.  I'm excited about it!  Her birthday was last week, but I wasn't done yet.  I may post about it once she's received it, but can't before then (it'd ruin the surprise).  Today we're going to focus on resting, getting better, and trying to get things done around the house.

"Live From An Authentic Place"

I heard that tonight (spoken by Rick Allen of Def Leppard) and it struck me.  I've been working on it for a while now and I feel like I'm getting better at it.  I've said before that I spent too much time pretending all was well even when it wasn't, but part of what God has been teaching me as of late is that living authentically means sharing my joys as well.  It means connecting with people.  I don't think I have invested enough in people in the last few years.  My friendships are dear to me, but I don't make (or sometimes, unfortunately, have) time for them.  I think in some ways I've gotten lazy if I'm honest, but life has also changed.  I feel disjointed at times because there are so many amazing people around me that I love deeply.  I want to spend time with all of them, but, realistically, I can't.  I feel like because of that I have many shallow relationships instead of a few deep ones.  Thankfully, I've been blessed with some great friends that I can pick up with after a long time and feel like we saw each other yesterday.  Unfortunately, we don't get to live day to day life together.  All this to say that God has been teaching me that I need those connections.  He has also been reminding me that most of all I need Him.  He is the one who makes me feel whole.  He is the one who is all sufficient.  I haven't been making time for Him lately and I feel the drain of it.  I need more than quick prayers before meals, bed, and as I fly through my day.  I need to really connect with Him.  My marriage, my child, and my loved ones will receive the overflowing blessings if I do.

"All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort" 

---2 Cor. 1:3

Blurb

I want to post all about my amazing birthday and the incredible people who made it that way, but I can't! I have a baby with a small sleep window and LOTS to do for the divine Mrs. Lee, her tiny Lee, & the baby shower of love. For now, thanks so much to everyone who made me feel so loved on (and before) my big day! Also,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KERR!!!

Completely Frivolous Post

I have begun my eBay empire (as Peter calls it). I just sold 3 things on ebay. I liked it. I'm pleased that people who appreciate them can have things I don't need anymore. I'm even more pleased they want to give me money for them.

Warning, rant to ensue.
Why is it the vast majority of intelligent/creative shows get canceled within the first two or three seasons, but junk like "Two & a Half Men" is still on? Here are just a few examples:

1. The Black Donnellys
2. Eli Stone
3. October Road
4. The Unusuals
   
5. Life
6. feel free to add to my list in comments (I know Talicia and Andrew were upset about "Pushing Daisies" - an emmy winning canceled show)
   

I'm mad that "Chuck" was even being considered for cancellation (only to be saved by Subway). Also awful, is the fact that most shows don't get much notice that they are going to be canceled so the writers never get a chance to give any kind of closure. A perfect example of this is "Gilmore Girls." It was a great show, but it had possibly the worst (and most thrown together) end in TV history. I guess I should be thankful that there was some kind of end. Most of the shows I listed above didn't even get that. "October Road" got a ten minute wrap up on the DVD of their last season. Most of the others didn't even get that. I think the problem (other than lowbrow humor being what America seems to be demanding) is that the rating system is broken. I don't know many people who watch TV at the time it is actually aired anymore. Most people watch online, record the shows to watch them later, or wait to see them when they are released on DVD. How do we get these things considered in the rating system? Is there a reason they are being overlooked? I'm betting it is because the adverts don't get watched when people watch in these ways (though you are usually forced to if you watch them online). I'm done now. Thank you for humoring me in my crankiness.

Now off to bed. This last week has been a rough one in the sleep department.

Almost Here

My birthday is coming in just two weeks. I LOVE birthdays! I think it is all the possibilities of a new year, the celebrating with people I love, and how life affirming they are. I'll be 32 this year. I'm incredibly excited. I've always thought that 32 sounded like an exciting age. I'm not sure why. I hope it will be. I've decided to do some things to feel just a little more fabulous as year 32 begins.

1. I'm getting my hair done tomorrow (YAY for Jac being all better!). I'll post pictures.
   
2. I'm one step closer to beginning my "tattoo process." I've decided on "She will always love." in a cursive or scroll font. It will be a wandering swirl on the back of my neck. Now I just need a mock up to hang somewhere. Do any of you graphic designer font ninjas have suggestions for fonts I should look at?
   
3. I have a gift card for a facial & massage that Peter gave me for our anniversary that I think I'll schedule for next week.
4. I have a gift certificate for a mani & pedi (thanks Lacie, Kacey, Andrew, & R.J.) from my birthday last year that I'm going to use.

Peter has asked me to start brainstorming how I want to celebrate. I'm really not sure. I just know I want to be with my loved ones. Any ideas out there? I want to do sushi with Talicia while she's here as one part. Just her being here is a gift! YAY for birthdays!

Lessons in Contentment, Day 3

Lesson One (A.K.A. Today's Funny Story):
This morning Peter's car randomly rolled and was blocking a nearby apartment building's driveway. The cops were called. We got a $50 ticket. The car would have been towed, costing us $1,500, if Peter hadn't randomly decided to go running just as the cop showed up. Praise God for the tiny prompts He gives us! My lesson in this was how crazy it was that I focused first on the $50 we now owe instead of the $1,450 we don't.

Lesson Two (A.K.A. Today's Update):
I'm filling in at my old job today. It is a wonderful place. I'm getting the chance to spend time with women who are "soul refreshing" friends. The people who just seeing their smile makes your burdens feel lighter and life feel easier. It is such a blessing. It reminds me of all my other friends who do this for me and how I need to make more time for them. It reminds me that I'm blessed to have them. I miss my little girl, but I know she & her daddy are having a blast and being here today will help me be a better mommy.

Lesson Three (A.K.A. The Really Important One):
Some of you may remember my friend Donna. We used to work together here until I had my daughter. Wednesdays were the day we worked together. She's not here today because she is at chemo. Instead of getting to hear how things are from her I'm reading an e-mail. Her joy and upbeat personality still come through. I don't think she would mind if I share some of her wise words:

"Every day has a fork in the road. We can choose to travel down the road of self-piy, self-introspection, or self-absorption. The problem is that fork always leads to a dead end. It leaves us weary, discouraged and out of options because we were never meant to live life on our own. And we certainly don't have all the answers.

On the other hand, we can choose gratitude. Admittedly, this is the road less traveled. But then, that means a smoother ride - less bumps, potholes, and loose debris. This road always leads to somewhere better than where we are. It lifts us out of the mundane and invites us into the Divine.

Strangely, if we don't make the choice, it will be made for us by circumstances. Most of us are like cars with our wheels out of alignment. We automatically drift towards bitterness. Gratitude realigns our souls and keeps us on the right road."

I'll end with the same verse she ended her e-mail with:

"Be joyful always...give thanks in all circumstances"
1 Thes. 5:16-18

More Excitement!!

I have more good news that I feel the need to share:

1. Stephanie's blog totally blessed and is helping me.
2. I got a coupon for a free pint of Starbucks Ice Cream!!
3. I'M GETTING A PACKAGE FROM AMAYA TOMORROW!!! If you didn't know, I love mail and surprises!!
4. My birthday is coming!
   
5. Peter bought me cookie dough!
6. Talicia is visiting soon!!!
   

Home

A Few Things That Feel Like Home To Me:

1. Really good time in prayer
   
2. My husband's arms
3. My little girl's smile
4. The sounds of my family enjoying themselves when I visit my folks
5. My brother calling me, "Seester" or "The Joy of my Heart"
6. Hugs from old friends who truly know me with all my many quirks and imperfections, yet still love me
7. Chuck Taylors
8. My favorite jeans.
9. The perfect chai tea latte in the fall or caramel macchiato in winter or spring
10. Driving down Santa Teresa on a warm day with the windows down and a good song playing.
11. "America" by Simon & Garfunkel
    

The Rest of the List of Things I Want:

1. See previous entry for number one. (Note - accomplished on a walk with Kacey)
2. To love like God
3. More time with friends/deeper time with friends (especially Kacey, Lacie, Sarah, & Stacy)
4. To go see Janette at the hospital
5. A green dragon roll
6. A pedicure
   
7. Amaya to visit
8. All my laundry to be magically done
9. A massage
   
10. Talicia to live in San Jose
11. A pair of Red Engine jeans
12. Amaya's mom's chocolate mousse
    
13. To see my daughter's beautiful smile
14. To continue learning how to be a better friend
15. A vanity
    
16. My hubbie to be home from work
17. A bigger apartment (still on the wishlist, but no longer worrying about it)
18. "Eli Stone" to be un-canceled

Worth Far More Than Rubies

Monday marked one month since my best friend's mom passed away. Aldeana taught me a number of things. Some of the lessons were through her fantastic kids and amazing grandkids, but many were from watching her live. She loved the Lord, her family, people, life, and games. Her vivaciousness caught people off guard and her tenderness drew them in. I wanted to share what I gleaned from her so that maybe others could learn from her as well even if they never got the chance to meet her. If she taught you something please, please add to my list.

• No matter how much you're hurting someone around you is hurting more and you may be the one God wants to use to help them or show them His love.
• Be honest! If something sucks don't whitewash it, say so.
  
• Care for those our society forgets or places no value on (especially children and the elderly).
  
• Love people! Everyone desires to be known and loved. God can use you to show them He knows them and loves them deeply. Ask people questions about themselves, care for them, desire to know them, care for their children.
  
• Admit my parenting mistakes to my children, ask forgiveness, and be sure they know how deep my love for them is. "...love covers over a multitude of sins" 1 Pet 4:8
• Be excited about the things your kids are excited about. ("I cant believe my mother bought me a nose ring to go with my Easter outfit!" - Talicia)
• LOVE the Lord! Make Him the most precious thing in your life. Those around you will reap the blessings!
• Being married to someone in ministry means you are in ministry. It is hard, but worth it.
• Love people with all your heart even though it means your heart will be broken regularly.
  
• Trust the Lord.
• Be silly and enjoy life.
• Marriage can be even more exciting, joyous, and romantic after 40 years than it was on your wedding day.

Thank you, Aldeana! Your ministry and legacy are going strong!

Aldeana's obituary:

Aldeana Hinkle - Yucaipa loses a special sweetheart

Published: Thursday, May 28, 2009 11:13 PM PDT

Aldeana Hinkle, 66, the wife of Don Hinkle, pastor of Yucaipa Christian Church, stepped into God’s presence Friday morning, May 22, at 6:15 a.m.

Born July 28, 1942, in Dodge City, Kansas – she was the oldest of four children of Dean and Mildred Robins. Her dad was a preacher and from her folks she learned to love and minister to people from every walk of life. She spent her high school years in Elkhart, Kansas, and graduated from Midwest Christian College in Oklahoma City with a Bachelor of Arts Ministerial in 1964.

One year earlier – June 7, 1963, she married Don. They began their family in 1965 with a daughter, Tawndi – born in Oklahoma City. She was followed by Trey in 1968 after the family’s move to Escondido and then Talicia in 1978 in Santa Clara/San Jose.

Aldeana lived in California 42 years, the last 16 in Yu-caipa. She loved music all her life and most recently taught piano with the Adult Edu-cation Program. She encouraged and supported her husband and children. She em-braced all who came across her path.


Her desire was to follow the Good Shepherd and not rush ahead. She considered her final surgery (the one from which she would not regain consciousness) her best act of worship – trusting God fully with her life.

Despite almost 35 years of serious illness, Aldeana maintained a vibrant spirit and authentic loving attitude. She was an incredible lady who dearly loved babies and young moms. She made everyone feel special because she saw them as a creation of God, valuable in His sight.

Thousands will miss her, but especially her husband, Don – her children, Tawndi Wohlwend and her husband, Chris; Trey Hinkle and his wife, Peggy, and Talicia. She leaves eight grandchildren to carry on her legacy – six Wohlwends: JonMarke, Raine, Kellyn, Jaron, Cason, Grace; and two Hinkles: Jayana and Donovanne. She is survived as well by her sister, Dee Akers and brothers Sam and David Robins (all from Norman, Oklahoma), along with their families.

“Her death brings us much sorrow,” said Yucaipa Mayor Dck Riddell. “She was a great citizen and I thought the world of her.”

“It’s hard to imagine a world without Aldeana,” said Judy Dunnistoun. “She was an example of grace, love, and mischief! If we could all be half of the person she was, this world would be a better place. Her life was the epitome of what following Christ should look like. I miss her already.”

“My dearest friend, Aldeana. She was my mirror shining back at me with a world of possibilities,” said Angela Shepard. “She was my witness, who saw me at my worst and best, and loved me anyway. A friend loves at all times.” –Proverbs 17:17

“More than a mom, more than a mentor, more than a friend. Aldeana was an angel who walked among men,” said Olin Richey, YCC music pastor. “There are a few occasions in life when someone spectacular comes along, and she was one of those people. She gave of herself, even when physically there wasn't that much to give. She battled for years with what for others would have been debilitating pain, and yet served everyone she knew.”

“From a young mother struggling to raise her children, to seniors who were trying to get their earthly possessions together; everyone knew they could count on Aldeana for support. She taught music to little children and piano to adults with a spirit of encouragement that spurred us all on to greatness. She leaves many holes.” Richey added.

A memorial service is scheduled for Saturday, May 30, at 10:30 a.m. at Yucaipa Christian Church, 12964 Bryant St.