2:30 - woken up by Sweet Sickie Face who wanted to climb in my bed, told no, and sent back to bed, she accidentally woke up Beautiful Baby Eat Non-stop.
2:45 - falling back to sleep
3:10 - Beautiful Baby Eat Non-stop decided she should have been eating instead of sleeping
4:45 - I was finally able to get Beautiful Baby Eat Non-stop fed and to fall back to sleep
6AM? - Beautiful Baby Eat Non-stop lost her paci and woke up crying Wonderful Man I Married remedied the situation
7AM? (I'm not sure the time because the delirium had set in) - woken up by Sweet Sickie Face who again wanted to climb in my bed This time she was told yes (the family rule is she has to wait until the sun shines through the curtains) and she was sent over to Wonderful Man I Married
7:05 - 8:00 faded in and out of sleep between questions, pokes, and demands from Sweet Sickie Face until Wonderful Man I Married got the two of them breakfast
8:35 Beautiful Baby Eat Non-stop woke up and was quite alarmed it had been so long since her last meal
~The End or, More Appropriately, The Beginning of the Day~
In a mostly unrelated matter, I was reading Cara-Deo today and was blessed by the quote, "It says desperation is better than despair. And where God's power begins." I wanted to share it in case you might find it encouraging as well.
Now this sleepy and very silly mommy must go feed that beautiful baby again.
My oldest is sick. She has the cutest little froggie voice right now. Rainy inside days with a sick toddler and a baby in the midst of a growth spurt are not known to be full of smiles, but today I was thankful for the little things. That made quite a difference. The other, even bigger thing was getting some time with God. Here are some of the things that made me smile today:
I just wanted to say thank you to all those who have out poured support, love, and prayers since my Trouble post. I'm doing much better. The mastitis seems to have passed and I'm only having twinges of pain here & there now. We have been able to feed L without supplementing with formula for the last week thanks to Peter letting me nap & rest as I've needed to & using fenugreek. Being rested & built up by God has made me feel more confident both in general & as a mom. My girls have also helped. My youngest gives me giant smiles every time she wakes up and sees me. My oldest is growing in new ways all the time. Last night she was trying on swim suits for her new lessons starting today and all of a sudden she went leaping through the air and yelled, "I'm a rock star!" It was both a precious thing & a challenge for me. It was precious to see her so carefree and confident. It was a challenge because I feel nothing like a rock star when I put on a swim suit. It made me wonder when we women lose that confidence and challenged me to reclaim it. Being the mom of a three year old girl is amazing that way. It is growing me as a woman as well as a mom. We, of course, have battles of the wills, but part of that is her developing into her own person. I remind myself regularly that her willfulness not only gives me opportunities to learn patience, but also is growing her into a more confident little girl. I want her to be able to make up her own mind and not be a follower. It's just very hard when I need her to obey as well. Teaching her to respect us as her parents and do as she is told, but still have a mind of her own is not an easy task. I'd totally welcome any advice on the balance others might have to offer. Another thing I've found encouraging as of late has been the blogs of other believers and moms. Here are a few I've been really enjoying:
Sometimes Sweet (she is also a fashion inspiration to me as I'm working on the project of finding my style again)
I plan on continuing this style series for a while, but it will be on and off for the most part. This time, however, I'm doing two in a row. From now on I'll include links in case anyone likes the items as much as I do. Now for accessories....
At their reception I had the most amazing cupcake! It was a mocha cupcake from Just Baked by Julie. If you're in the bay area I encourage you to try them! Amazing!!
I'm starting on a quest to reclaim my style. I've been spending far to much time in yoga pants and hoodies or jeans with nursing tops. I do have a sense of style...somewhere hidden under this old PT sweatshirt Kerr handed down to me. While my old Walter Payton jersey tee will always be part of my style it needs to be expanded upon. To do this I'm window shopping. I've started with dresses because I love them, but rarely wear them.
Here is some more encouragement I keep on my fridge...
You can't read the one above my mom & I very well but it is a quote from Brooke Shields. It says, "They're not going to remember Mom was tired. They're going to remember I did the weather chart or story time at school. So you just do it. And you're tired." Off to the right there is a heart shape post it that reminds me:
"So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up."
I'm going through a hard season. In it I've found I'm not as open as I used to be. I've fallen into exactly what I've always hated...pretending everything is fine. I'm fighting that and opening up to friends and family. I decided the next step was to open up here. This is, in part, a blog about motherhood because, in part, I am a mother. I love being a mother of two. There are, of course, moments I'm not so sure I'm qualified for this "hardest job you'll ever love," but I find that loving them so much makes me qualified. Beyond that love I fumble through with plenty of prayer and my best. My biggest struggle this time around has been with nursing. With my first there were some general struggles, but all in all it was wonderful. I even ended up nursing her a few months longer than the year I had originally intended. With my new little it has been something entirely different. It started out well, but then in the last two months or so we've been facing some serious challenges. I'm very committed to nursing. I want to continue until she is a year old not only because of the amazing bonding experience it can be, but because it makes such a difference for her health and future. I know many people don't have the option to nurse and would never judge, but for me it has been a non-negotiable. If you don't want to know too much (or know I'd be embarrassed by your knowing) this is the time to wave off (I'll bold later if you want to just skip ahead). Enter what the doctor calls "suction and latch issues" (she's latching, but not properly and is a bit too strong). That led to bleeding, horrible pain, and then to the dreaded mastitis. I've been very tempted to give up, but I'm not going to. If I was strong enough to unintentionally birth her without medication I can get through this for her. (Skip to here) I just want to be able to be a good mom and wife at the same time. I feel like that is there area where I'm achieving an epic fail at times. I'm less patient when in pain. Couple this with my toddler who skipped the terrible twos almost entirely, only to invent the Amazing but Willful Threes and you get a very cranky mommy. I praise God for providing me the fruit of the Spirit (chiefly patience and self control) in moments when I don't have them (or anything else) left in me. Thankfully my family is patient with me. I finally decided to mention what I've been going through here because I found so much comfort in the blogs I found online where moms shared their own struggles. So to Sarah (from Becoming Sarah) & Jessica (from The Leaky B@@b, link below), thank you so much for your authenticity and transparency. I'm not going into much detail here, but if there are others facing these things please feel free to contact me and I will share my experiences or just offer support. For now here are some things that are helping me out today: