Today

Happy Mother's Day!
That is to all of you who are mothers and all of you who long to be.  Today can be a wonderful day or a very hard one (for many reasons - hopes unrealized, miscarriages, abortions, rough relationships with your own mom or having lost her).  I wanted to recognize that today is not like any other day.  May it be a wonderful and healing day for YOU.

Deep Breaths

I love the way my baby smells.  I'm convinced that God made her smell that way for a reason.  Because sometimes when things are crazy I snuggle her and just breathing in her smell convinces me that everything will be all right.

Life Is Good

Many Thanks

I just wanted to say thank you to all those who have out poured support, love, and prayers since my Trouble post.  I'm doing much better.  The mastitis seems to have passed and I'm only having twinges of pain here & there now.  We have been able to feed L without supplementing with formula for the last week thanks to Peter letting me nap & rest as I've needed to & using fenugreek.  Being rested & built up by God has made me feel more confident both in general & as a mom.  My girls have also helped.  My youngest gives me giant smiles every time she wakes up and sees me.  My oldest is growing in new ways all the time.  Last night she was trying on swim suits for her new lessons starting today and all of a sudden she went leaping through the air and yelled, "I'm a rock star!"  It was both a precious thing & a challenge for me.  It was precious to see her so carefree and confident.  It was a challenge because I feel nothing like a rock star when I put on a swim suit.  It made me wonder when we women lose that confidence and challenged me to reclaim it.  Being the mom of a three year old girl is amazing that way.  It is growing me as a woman as well as a mom.  We, of course, have battles of the wills, but part of that is her developing into her own person.  I remind myself regularly that her willfulness not only gives me opportunities to learn patience, but also is growing her into a more confident little girl.  I want her to be able to make up her own mind and not be a follower.  It's just very hard when I need her to obey as well.  Teaching her to respect us as her parents and do as she is told, but still have a mind of her own is not an easy task.  I'd totally welcome any advice on the balance others might have to offer.  Another thing I've found encouraging as of late has been the blogs of other believers and moms.  Here are a few I've been really enjoying:

• Sometimes Sweet (she is also a fashion inspiration to me as I'm working on the project of finding my style again)
• Steph in the Suburbs 
• Mommy Needs Coffee (me too)
• Gathered from Afar
• Cara - Deo
• Trouble Bound : A Better Life (an awesome blog & reminder of God's incredible faithfulness) 
• Storing Up Treasures
• The Leaky Boob

The music of Kendall Payne has been encouraging as well.

I must draw this to a close.  It's time for the "Rock Star" to go to her first swim lesson without mom or dad by her side in the pool!

Sharing

Read this.  I love it.  That's all.

Little Joys

My brother was in town for the weekend and this morning we dragged our exhausted selves out the door to take my daughter for a walk.  We meandered along talking while my toddler rode in her stroller.  When we were a little more than half way home we wandered through the park and A wanted to get out and walk.  I let her and she ended up walking then running then walking again the rest of the several blocks home.  It was amazing.  I loved watching her explore.  She picked up acorns and stuffed her pockets with them.  She greeted dogs out on walks with their owners.  She shrieked, "run, 'mon, 'mon" (her shortened version of 'come on') and ran gleefully as Richard chased her along.  She watched squirrels run up and down trees.  She wandered into patches of tall grass and bent down to touch it just to see what it felt like.  She counted things just because she can now.  When we got home she was exhausted and asked for an early nap, but she had loved every minute of the morning.  It was a reminder to me of the joy we can find in God's creation.  It was a reminder of how often I let the day get away from me without letting myself really experience the wonders that I'm surrounded by.  It was a challenge to me (and I hope it can be to you as well) to enjoy every day and all the tiny miracles scattered like acorns along the way.

Saturday In The Park

Note To Self II

Already There

"It is the fool who fails to return to the place of his last happiness."

--October Road

Poll

I need a little help. My baby Boo LOVES airplanes. When we visit my parents she'll repeat, "airple," (which sounds like apple, but means airplane) and knock on the garage door until someone takes her out there to look at my dad's remote controlled planes. When we go to Target and planes fly over the parking lot she blows them kisses. This is a wonderful thing since my dad has been hoping for another flight enthusiast in his line for years. I decided that because of all this she should be a tiny aviator for Halloween (think Amelia Earheart meets Easy Company). I bought her a little aviator hat and I'm going to make her goggles from black felt. Now I'll just looking for her jacket. I'm looking at two. One is for a girl so she'd get more use out of it (a little more $$), but the other one is so authentic that I'm a little bit in love with it (a little less $$). I thought I'd put it out there and get some help with the descision. Here they are:

orWhat do YOU think?

Courtney

There is a lovely almost-silence in my house. Zuzu's bell rings as she jaunts from one place to the next checking things out. The white noise of the rain track we purchased on iTunes plays for my sleeping little girl loudly enough to be heard in the living room. I finish writing a letter and head for the kitchen. As I do I step on a forgotten Cheerio. It sticks to my bare foot for a few steps and then disintegrates to powder on my floor. A smile spreads slowly across my face as that tiny piece of trampled cereal reminds me that I am a mom.

Now and then I feel lost in this world. I think we all do. Yesterday was a struggle for me because of that. The world felt so immense and I so minuscule. Part way through the day I went outside and sat on the steps to my apartment. I prayed for a while, pouring my heart out to God. I was reminded that I am His child, His cherished child. The one He will never leave or forsake.

After I came inside Peter and I stood in the kitchen talking. We talked and talked until we started to understand even better the person each of us had married. I was reminded that I am a wife, a loved and very lucky wife.

My parents called last night to see how I was doing after my Dr.'s appointment. My dad reminded me how important I am to him with affirming words and grand compliments I don't deserve, my mom with fussing and advice. I was reminded that I am a daughter, a daughter held dear by two amazing people.

Last night as Peter and I snuck into our room where our 18 month old daughter lay already sleeping there was a little voice in the darkness, "Hi." When Peter asked if she wanted to come snuggle with us for a moment before going back to sleep she replied, "yeah, yeah, yeah." When he laid her down next to me she rolled towads me, help me tight, and kissed my cheek. I was reminded that I am a mom, the most important woman in her life.

All of these things make up vital parts of who I am. There are smaller parts like being someone who loves to drive on sunny days with the music turned up unreasonably loud, who somewhat secretly loves Styx, who would be crushed on a small scale if her DVR didn't record "So You Think You Can Dance." I am that person. I am also someone who declined to meet Chris Carrabba for fear I'd make an idiot of myself and who gets rediculous when I'm tired. I get cranky when I'm hungry and relate all too well to Sandi Thom's, "I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker (With Flowers In Hair)." None of those things are as important as the beautiful reminders I received yesterday. The greatest part of who I am is one who loves Christ, her husband, her daughter, her parents, her brother, and her friends. Yesterday I thanked God for prayer, long talks, phone calls, and hugs. Today I thank Him for little lost cheerios and before work kisses goodbye.

"The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in Him!” Lam 3:22-24

Don't We All?

"What Mirabelle needs is an omniscient voice to illuminate and spotlight her. And to inform everyone that this one has value."

---Shopgirl

"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."
Luke 12:6-7