Tuesday, July 14, 2009


There is a lovely almost-silence in my house. Zuzu's bell rings as she jaunts from one place to the next checking things out. The white noise of the rain track we purchased on iTunes plays for my sleeping little girl loudly enough to be heard in the living room. I finish writing a letter and head for the kitchen. As I do I step on a forgotten Cheerio. It sticks to my bare foot for a few steps and then disintegrates to powder on my floor. A smile spreads slowly across my face as that tiny piece of trampled cereal reminds me that I am a mom.

Now and then I feel lost in this world. I think we all do. Yesterday was a struggle for me because of that. The world felt so immense and I so minuscule. Part way through the day I went outside and sat on the steps to my apartment. I prayed for a while, pouring my heart out to God. I was reminded that I am His child, His cherished child. The one He will never leave or forsake.

After I came inside Peter and I stood in the kitchen talking. We talked and talked until we started to understand even better the person each of us had married. I was reminded that I am a wife, a loved and very lucky wife.

My parents called last night to see how I was doing after my Dr.'s appointment. My dad reminded me how important I am to him with affirming words and grand compliments I don't deserve, my mom with fussing and advice. I was reminded that I am a daughter, a daughter held dear by two amazing people.

Last night as Peter and I snuck into our room where our 18 month old daughter lay already sleeping there was a little voice in the darkness, "Hi." When Peter asked if she wanted to come snuggle with us for a moment before going back to sleep she replied, "yeah, yeah, yeah." When he laid her down next to me she rolled towads me, help me tight, and kissed my cheek. I was reminded that I am a mom, the most important woman in her life.

All of these things make up vital parts of who I am. There are smaller parts like being someone who loves to drive on sunny days with the music turned up unreasonably loud, who somewhat secretly loves Styx, who would be crushed on a small scale if her DVR didn't record "So You Think You Can Dance." I am that person. I am also someone who declined to meet Chris Carrabba for fear I'd make an idiot of myself and who gets rediculous when I'm tired. I get cranky when I'm hungry and relate all too well to Sandi Thom's, "I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker (With Flowers In Hair)." None of those things are as important as the beautiful reminders I received yesterday. The greatest part of who I am is one who loves Christ, her husband, her daughter, her parents, her brother, and her friends. Yesterday I thanked God for prayer, long talks, phone calls, and hugs. Today I thank Him for little lost cheerios and before work kisses goodbye.

"The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in Him!” Lam 3:22-24

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