Thursday, July 2, 2009

Lessons Learn-ing

God has used all kinds of things to teach me about Him, His love, myself, and life. Lately He has been using my daughter. This makes a lot of sense since most of my time is spent with her. I thought I'd share what I'm learning.

1. God really does delight in me and rejoice over me with singing (Zeph. 3:17). I do these things as a mom all the time without thinking anything of it, my Perfect and Loving Heavenly Father does the same. AMAZING!
2. Stop to smell the roses. Feel the sun on your face. Take time to enjoy the beauty of God's creation. Life will be better if you do. YOU will be better if you do.
3. "Tantrums don't get you what you want." I have said this to my daughter multiple times, and yet I'm only starting to learn it myself. I want to give Aubrie good things. God wants to give me good things. (Matt. 7:11) We just need to learn to ask instead of throwing a fit or trying so desperately hard to get it ourselves.

4. Express yourself. Show and tell people how you feel (Prov. 27:5). Whether it be on your face, in your words, or with what you are wearing show the world where you are inside and who you are. This is really a repeat of several of Aldeana's lessons.

It is worth repeating, because this lesson in particular is hard for me. For years I have been a "stuffer." I rarely deal with my emotions in what one might call a timely manner. When my Grandma died I feverishly wrote a paper for school that wasn't due for days. When my mom's dad died (closing the door on my ever getting to meet him) I ignored it until years later when I came across a bracelet he & his wife had gotten me and sobbed. When my Grandpa died I built a jumperoo. Anyone who knows me knows almost any given break-up I had was briefly cried over before I moved on too quicky, only to try to then try to heal from the last relationship in the midst of my new one (F.Y.I. horrible idea). Part of my difficulty is that I have also mastered the art of denial. Growing up, in any given family crisis I pretended that either everything was fine or that it would be. Recently I've remembered times when my parents were sick (even in the hospital) when I was young and only now am I being able to deal with the fact that only by God's grace are they still here. When Amaya moved I spent months ignoring it. Then, the week of, I switched over to "stuffing," knowing I'd probably have a break down when she showed up to say goodbye. I didn't. I couldn't. Only as she drove away did I lose it. Later that day I took stock. I realized I've been stuffing so long I can hard "unpack" the emotions. I prayed and God is helping me. I'm learning to be real, but it is unbelievably hard. He is helping me to express myself, but more often than not it takes a while. For those that love me, please have patience and call me on it if you catch me stifling.

1 comment:

  1. I miss you bunches.

    I too avoided until the day of -- which probably explains why I spent the better part of seven hours with tears streaming down my face (seriously, poor Nick).

    Being far away from you seriously sucks -- but it's good for both of us. It's teaching you things about yourself and forcing you to examine things you perhaps wouldn't have if I didn't leave. I hope you know that despite the now 3,000 miles between us, I don't love/treasure/appreciate you any less.

    And as our governor would say, "I'll be back."